CAMPUS LIFE

SATIRE: Parking spaces go on sale, cause debate among WCC

Business major Jane Faux poses by a disabled parking space she bought outside the Liberal Arts Building. Willow Symonds | Washtenaw Voice

By Willow Symonds
Staff Writer

Not everyone is happy with WCC’s new car parking system.

Students and faculty can now buy a parking space just for the week ($15), the semester ($45), or for eternity (payment methods unclear as of now). The spaces can’t be bought for a single day, which surprised many.

Originally, faculty had their own free parking lot, but WCC overturned this and now makes students and staff pay “like equals.” The only spaces without a price tag are on the grass by the sewer ponds.

This sudden decision sparked a debate about the ethics of a community college selling parking spaces.

One 17-year-old WTMC student believes this new rule disadvantages people who can’t afford a parking space. He expressed this view at the latest Board of Trustees meeting, where over 100 students attended.

“This makes me really mad,” Max Fyuhrie-Rhode said to the Board. “Every day, the other students and I have to fight over the spaces no one even wants. I can’t afford another broken windshield or my mom won’t let me take the car anymore.”

Fyuhrie-Rhode isn’t the only one speaking out against this new rule. At least 17 posters appeared around campus this March, claiming an uprising “against tyranny” will start April 1. Other details include a website that leads to a 404 page, the location (“If you know, you know,” the flier reads), and “B.Y.O.P.N.”

FBI officials brought onto the scene believe the abbreviation stands for ‘Bring Your Own Pool Noodle.’ WCC banned swimming pool floating devices after the infamous Pool Noodle Incident of 1989, and officials believe these uprisers want to recreate the events of that day, much to many people’s horror.

An anonymous student reported a poster found in a Student Center women’s bathroom. Courtesy of said student.

Over the weekend, WCC administration sent a school-wide email, asking the perpetrators to turn themselves in. As of yet, no one has come forward.

Still, according to the school, students and faculty have bought 112 one-week-only spaces and 41 winter semester spaces. Another 27 sold for a lifetime pass, though WCC has had trouble getting money for those, as some buyers disappeared and haven’t been sighted since.

Jane Faux, a 20-year-old business student, bought a record-breaking number of semester-long spaces at once: 13.

“This ‘uprising’ thing seems like some kind of joke, but either way, I don’t get why people are mad,” Faux said. “Not all students are keeping the parking spaces to themselves. Sharing is caring and all that.”

Faux wasn’t the first student to rent parking lot spaces to others for a fee, but she was the most vocal about it. Because she allows students and faculty to rent her spaces for one day – something WCC doesn’t offer – her property has become very popular.

The most popular space Faux owns resides near the Liberal Arts Building, costing students $19.99 to rent for a semester. She also rents out the disabled parking spot parallel to it for $59.99, no matter the amount of time.

“It’s not all fun and games,” she said. “I have to pay people to clean the bird [poop] off the cement, and I have to deal with students trying to sue me when they crash their own stupid cars. … Still, it’s a good investment.”

As time creeps toward April 1, the tension among campus only heightens. Students openly opposing the system claim faculty and other students are more likely to ignore their presence – sometimes even becoming hostile.

Fyuhrie-Rhode, now a budding activist, created an online petition to repeal parking space prices, which currently has over 2,000 signatures. However, this inspired an anti-petition to repeal Fyuhrie-Rhode’s petition; its creator remains unknown.

The Board of Trustees concluded the public forum with a short speech: “We hope to find a solution to this dilemma and wish everyone a happy April Fools Day.”