SATIRE: Students protest graduation gowns using bright colors

By Aina Zaidi
Contributor

Several students of the Washtenaw Community College’s 2019 graduating class have decided that the black graduation gowns they’re supposed to wear are “too dark,” saying they want to stand out from the rest of the graduates.

One senior, Erin Schrieffer, 18, was seen wearing a gas mask and spray painting her gown pink in the Crane Liberal Arts and Sciences building lounge, causing stares from various WTMC students who were reported to have “better expectations of what college was going to be like.”

Some students had different motives. Julien, 22, resorted to painting his gown neon blue, to “stand out.” When asked about it, he said, “I have family coming from Oklahoma. They’re going to arrive late and have to sit all the way in the back somewhere, and then they’ll keep trying to get my attention throughout the ceremony because they don’t know where I’m sitting. This way, they’ll know exactly where I am.”

Another senior, Kayla Robinson, 27, was seen in Michael’s craft store, frantically buying pom-poms to glue onto her gown. Unfortunately, she was using Elmer’s glue to paste the pom-poms onto her gown because “fabric glue was twice as expensive and I need that money for other stuff, like buying a tassel.” The last time Kayla was seen, the pom-poms on her gown looked like they had arrived there accidentally, most of them having fallen off.

A couple of seniors didn’t want to put in the effort of dying their gowns and had bought glow-in-the-dark paint tubes. It was only after Washtenaw Voice staff pointed out to them that the graduation would take place during the day did they realize anything was wrong. As of now, their diplomas are being considered for reevaluation.

Ben Hayden, 31, a senior who’s made it through the entirety of his college career by never buying a single book, said he was going to “remain true to his identity” by not buying an actual gown. “I’m going to wear a black shirt and black pants, and hopefully it’ll look like a gown enough. If it doesn’t, well—that’s just on brand for me.”

Some of the students were having trouble improvising their tassel situation. Julia, an art major, was helping out fellow students by holding a small conference on “DIY tasseling.” A look in the room showed that there was crepe paper involved. Small strips of paper were seen being cut into very thin strips. Julia was printing out several copies of “2019” numbers when we last saw her, presumably for the tassels of the many students in the room.

Julien discovered way too close to graduation that another graduate had also thought of painting his gown neon blue, and was last seen dousing his gown in fluorescent glitter “to stand out from the graduates, and also to stand out from the graduates who wanted to stand out.”

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